#O151-4: A Love not Known

I am amazed at how hard abstract painting is for me. It requires a balance of control and abandon as well as a balance of self-confidence and self-criticism that is very taxing on my nerves at this stage of the journey.


After such struggle, how freeing it is for me to suddenly switch back to the old familiar childhood landscapes that lie dormant in my mind:


In the Book of Disquiet, full of strangely haunting prose images, Fernando Pesoa writes:

I see life as a roadside inn where I have to stay until the coach from the abyss pulls up. I don’t know where it will take me, because I don’t know anything. I could see this inn as a prison, for I’m compelled to wait in it; I could see it as a social centre, for it’s here that I meet others.
At times the old familiar life, waiting by the roadside inn, gives way to the the most simple yet profound beauty and happiness. The walk with the wheelbarrow back to the compost heap, the 18 steps from my desk to the printer. What stupendous reality flows into these senses! What is this I?
I keep realizing – for now – that the spiritual life is a losing game. You win by giving up; and by watching your self hide those things – down there in the subconscious – the things you feel you cannot give up. Beyond ownership lies what?
Nisargadatta said:
Just look away from all that happens in your mind and bring to it the feeling “I am”. This “I am” is not a direction, it is the negation of all direction. Ultimately, even the “I am” has to go. But bringing the mind to the feeling “I am” merely helps to turn the mind away from everything else.
Questioner: “Where does it all lead me?”
 Answer: When the mind is kept away from its preoccupations, it becomes quiet. If you do not disturb this quiet and stay in it, you find that it is permeated with a light and love you have never known; and yet you recognize at once that this is your own nature. Once you have passed through this experience you will never be the same again.
Thanks for visiting!


10 thoughts on “#O151-4: A Love not Known

  1. Wow….your depth of spiritual understanding and feeling blows me away. The fact that you can access it enough to share it on your blog is the other Wow factor! I can do this on a personal level but to let it flow in writing and sharing it astounds me. That prose by Fernando Pesoa grabs me because I totally know that feeling. For me art is a deep work and a push and pull with the self, the spiritual self and all in between! Abstracts I believe is the deep guttural struggle of the very essence of that fight. Your painting grabs me. I know some people can’t relate to abstracts but personally I love them and a good abstract is one that you can’t truly describe but simply feel and absorb it. Yours is one that does just that for me. Wonderful post!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks so much Margaret, and apologies for my late reply. I find I am only getting to my blog about once a week, but I am making peace with it! The depth and perceptiveness of your comments suggest to me that you can express yourself very well in writing!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. No worries! I think that I should probably do the same, sounds like a good thing, keeping one’s focus more central rather than divided, the modern world that we live in can be a hassle at times. Have a productive or restful weekend!


    1. Thanks FR! Yes, I think you are right, if you push one of your personal boundaries, I guess the whole thing grows, doesn’t it! “Letting go it the thing” – indeed.


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