This is me at the moment:

  • Somewhat into, over middle-aged, male;
  • Trying to find and live that spirit again – you remember – walking home from school, winter grass waist high, singing, alone, secretly happy just to be alive;
  • Husband, father of two;
  • Civil Engineer, Business Owner;
  • Painter of pictures – some of which make me happy;
  • Fairly normal (often tired, anxious, joyful, with-or-without hope, grateful);

A bit more:

For some years I have struggled with chronic fatigue (not diagnosed, but keenly felt), anxiety and – at times – depression. I have learnt to respect these three horsemen and trust that the tide goes both ways. If I relax and trust, the tide will turn. In my specific case, this has helped me to stay away from any medication related to these ailments. But more important for me – my darkness became something I could learn from, something of value to me.

I am indebted for the name of my blog to two authors whose books have helped me, one is Richard Rohr, in his book Falling Upward, he refers to the “luminous darkness” and writes that it explains the “simultaneous coexistence of deep suffering and intense joy in the saints”.

The other is Stephen Harrod Buhner, in his book The Transformational Power of Fasting. He directly names “fruitful darkness” in the following passage: “continually trying to look on the bright side interferes with our finding the wisdom that lies in the fruitful darkness”.

Some of my favourite things:

Book: Denial of Death by Ernest Becker

Movie: The Great Beauty

Song: Vicky – L’amour Est Bleu

Instrumental: Paul Mauriat ~ Love is Blue


6 thoughts on “About

    1. Thanks so much Aylamma! Those are actually just cropped images from some of my existing paintings which you will find in my earlier posts. It does look quite interesting when you zoom in, doesn’t it?


  1. Wonderful artwork. It seems to me that we share the same relationship to creativity. I rediscovered painting a few months ago after 35 years of total unawareness of my needs for creativity. I still struggle with my search for effectiveness and the frustrations this brings along. But then again that’s a good mirror of the emotional evolution I’m going through and that helps.
    Thanks for sharing your thoughts and your work.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Many thanks for your comment. Painting, I have found, is a wonderful journey with lots of room for self discovery, especially when one investigates motives etc. All the best for your journey!

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I do love the name of your blog and had wondered where it came from. Your quote by Rohr reminds me of the last line in Wallace Stevens “Sunday Morning”: “Downward into darkness on extended wings.” I’ve written much myself on the beauty and brutality of life, how it’s all rolled together, and somehow, working together, can lift us up.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks Deborah. Yes, I feel there is almost a stigma associated with the less bright side of our feelings and emotions, as if one should always be happy or else take a pill. There is much to learn from experiences such as doubt, not knowing, anxiety etc. if we are willing to look deeply both in meditation and out. I am a Wallace Stevens fan but do not know that poem. Will look it up. Thanks!

      Liked by 1 person

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